Unaddressed Love Letters
Welcome. I’m looking for love; finding it is the only purpose of this site. Herein, I’ll expose nearly my entire mind and life, hoping my future partner finds me.
Unfortunately, for my chances of finding a love withwhom I cherish every moment, I possess extremely unpopular perspectives and mannerisms. Those perspectives will be explained in a tame, refined, and orderly way – to prevent the common misinterpretations, fomented by my uncommon mannerisms.
I hope that the objectivity, in my bleak perspectives, will display my irrefutable concern for fairness and equality – a concern that, very few people, can immediately associate with my mannerisms. I’ve merely seen enough of life, to know that courtesy and whimsy, need be stabled in the real world.
Imperious, sarcastically condescending, brutally honest, profusely obscene, and mischievous, are some of the mannerisms which I’ve found practical. Many people would refute their utility. But then, many people have lived sheltered lives, and consider the minor inconveniences which constitute their problems, to be tragic.
I’ve not had that luxury. Presumably, hardluck has nurtured grit, integrity, and the mythical “wisdom” in me; traits which I’ve found extremely, and depressingly, rare in the majority of humanity. That, or I’m a megalomaniac. In either case, my chances of finding love seem slim. Therefore, though transparently exposing myself is terribly terrifying – whatever it takes for love.
The site remains unfinished, though sufficient core content is present. Immediately following is a section displaying the foundation of my paradigm/personal philosophy; after that, a quick outline of my personality/history.
Of special note is the Let’s Play [With My Heart] section, which is essentially an audio copy of the blog, with me “stream of conscious” rambling while playing Dota 2 – with webcam feed throughout.
Section 2; Paradigm Primer
I know nothing.
All my thoughts are generated by my brain. All my actions are guided by my thoughts. I don’t know how my brain works. Therefore, I don’t understand my thoughts. Therefore, I can’t be certain of their accuracy, or success in the actions they guide. Even that line of reasoning, and this very sentence, falls under that rule.
What do I do, if my self-ignorance compromises every thought and action? I could turn to the scientific disciplines that explain the brain. But those disciplines remain incomplete. And to complete them, there would be another, far larger problem.
My understanding of the brain can’t be completed, without knowing all the laws which define the universe. Otherwise, the axioms I currently base my brain-research on, could be disproven by newly discovered laws. Therefore invalidating my research.*
So, to be certain of success in any action, I’d have to understand all the laws which define the universe. Can the human mind contain that knowledge? And could we even gather it in one lifetime, if humanity has yet to do so over millennia?
Therefore, I’ll probably never be able to prove anything – even with thoroughly sound empirical study. I might be right about allot of things, but probably never certain. And thus everything in my life, at any moment, can fall apart due to unknown factors.
I do my best to understand and control my life. But even with the greatest caution, I’m still ultimately helpless. And I accept that. I attempt to build an empirical understanding of reality, and from that, determine my actions. But there’s another choice, that most people prefer.
Whether through conscious choice, or subconscious impulse, the majority of people prefer self-deception over facing how helpless we are. Why? Well, it’s terrifying. That fear can paralyze us, or push us to furious aggression. Both states are detrimental to survival.
Because control of our emotions is so difficult, our minds instinctively repress awareness of our situation – to avoid uncontrollable emotions. But, like covering up one lie with more lies, self-deception requires more and more self-deception.
As the delusions become larger, they become harder to cover up. Eventually, to maintain the delusions, the mind begins to, also, repress the act of thought itself. To repress thought, is to deny ourselves, our main tool for survival.
This makes the deluded less and less capable of surviving. That makes them more and more helpless. Which makes them in greater need of self-deception, which requires further repression of thought. A downward spiral, leading to insentience.
I theorize that this pattern of behavior is not only common, but overwhelmingly dominate in humanity – now, and throughout history. This perspective is the bedrock of all my perceptions of the human mind, and thus of humanity.
However. There is another possible response to our helplessness: metacognition; rational and conscious self-understanding and self-control. I see it as nothing but a skillset, an empirical collection of information that is enacted as one would move a limb.
Through metacognition, control the fear – not avoid it. Bypass the entire self-deception pattern, and you can develop deeper understanding, and control of yourself. Then, try to be happy while enduring life’s bullshit.
I think, through years of practice and a life demanding it, I’ve developed this ability. That, in combination with my philosophy, is why I doubt I’ll ever find a mate through standard means. And thus, this blog. Fuck my life.
*Taking that line of reasoning to the extreme – perhaps the laws, which define the universe, are merely temporary. Perhaps they, at inconsistent intervals, randomly rearrange into nonrepeating patterns that in no-way resemble former patterns.
Section 3; Personality / History Primer