Unaddressed Love Letters

Ikue Asazaki – Obokuri-Eeumi

Hello. Prolonged exposure to this site is likely to make you extremely emotionally uncomfortable, possibly leading to various forms of severe psychological instability. You should leave here.

I’m a genius. This site, originally designed for the perusal of potential mates, is my soul, recorded and exposed to the world. As time has progressed, so has the site’s purpose: it’s also become a self-therapy device, wherein I somewhat-miserably attempt to validate my perspectives and existence; it’s also a message in a bottle, thrown to the future, wherein others like myself may find solace in the knowledge they aren’t unique.

For there is one thing, above all others, that genius has burdened me with: isolation. I don’t imagine myself being the sole-possessor of some universal truth, or other self-deluding/comforting nonsense. I merely – due to a life that’s regularly been demanding, combined with the aforementioned mental capacity – have an uncommon depth of emotional and intellectual maturity.

If I weren’t born with strong genes, I’m sure my life would have broken me, made me into the types of people whom regularly vilify me for peaceably going about my business. Admittedly, my casual behaviors often violate many social norms, inviting that vilification. But understand: I find the majority of those norms primitive at best – undeserving. Frankly, I’ve had to spend a great deal of time and energy making sense of normal people, with their instinct-driven versions of thought.

And unfortunately, the sense I’ve made of them, is severely unpleasant. Many view my criticisms of normality as unproductive, but I find that solving problems requires admission – no matter how unpleasant. This view, in combination with my maturity, has consistently led me to interact with others unproductively: I assumed the ability to comprehend and control one’s self was a common ability – or at least a desired one.

I’ve instead found it unpleasantly uncommon. On the other hand, in the absence of that ability, or even the comprehension of its possibility, I’ve found savagery. Everywhere. I imagine there are good people in the world – strong people, whom comprehend the importance of emotional maturity, morality, intelligence, and solidarity. But I haven’t personally met them. Instead, I’ve consistently met the other kind – in varying perversions of humanity. The only substantial exception being my Grandmother, who’s parenting likely kept me from mimicking the masses.

Instead of such mimicry, due to my heretic audacity in valuing truth over emotionality, average people consistently hate and sabotage me. If they were merely neutral to me, it would be a vast improvement. But, in simply being who I am, despite having no genuine intention of doing harm, I scare people. To counterbalance this, I have to lie in every single interaction: I have pretend to be stupid, pretend their provably destructive behaviors are appropriate – merely so I can be left alone, through keeping their formulaic savagery subdued.

Despite this issue, I don’t care if the world changes; all I want is a mate, and to not be bothered by catering to the masses. I would like the world to change, for people to be strong, and world-peace for all! But I know this, nor anything like it, will exist in my lifetime. And I now fear, most of all, being alone amidst the savages, alone to endure their shrieking madness for the rest of my life.

And so, here I am; as usual, giving humanity more than it has me – and far more than it deserves. Perhaps, some day before I die, this little Bower nest will earn me love. Or perhaps I’ll merely prove, to every idiot and lunatic who’ve unjustly diminished my life, their ineptitude. And maybe, the site will find another like me, and give them the peace of belonging, and the guidance, denied me.

Or maybe I’m just a megalomaniac.


10 Responses to “Unaddressed Love Letters”

  1. I don’t know much of anything but I know this is one interesting blog! Despite my pathetic former life as I’ve described, I do have hope as I have seen many good things and met a few decent folks (not many). Still we trudge onward through this mess!

  2. Struggle can break us, or help develop strength. I’ve also seen many wonderful things, and met a few good people, in my life; that’s what keeps me going.

    I genuinely appreciate your compliment, and hope it help me find a partner, as you have.

  3. Oh my word, I am insatiably curious and Googled Ikue Asazaki – Obokuri-Eeumi and am listening to it as I type. It is exquisitely beautiful, I love it and absolutely love the way you write. I am such a romantic and I truly hope the right person is winging their way to you already. Sometimes putting it out there in the Universe is a good start. I found my perfect partner 21 years ago and he is the best thing that ever happened to me. He is an engineer and hopeless at communication, really bad… seriously, but somehow I get him and he gets me and together we are fantastic. I wish that for you with my whole heart! P.S. It’s Tania from Soul Sense Coaching stopping in from Blog Pitch Party.

  4. Ah, thank you very much on all accounts. You may wish to note that the songs have inbuilt links. Simply click them, and they will open to youtube, in a new page.

  5. Certainly the most interesting about page I have seen on a blog, ever! Most people are full of shit and present things in the light they want to present to the world. Louis, you are definitely honest and it is interesting to me that even though we look at the world in a different manner, many of our core beliefs are similar, for example, we both study the motives of people, and see the flaws. I see different flaws than you. As for your search for love, that is a universal thing I think, sounds like the lady who left your life left a wreck behind, I have been there as well. Also you may not believe but I have also been the hero, the villain and the victim in my life as well. Life has thrown situations at me that were harsh, difficult and I was woefully unprepared for them. Tough times caused me to question everything and the answers I came out with were that, our thoughts are important to what we experience. Your perspective on thoughts is interesting as well, how can we understand how the mind works and therefore trust that our thoughts are guiding us well? Good food for thought. Life is a one time experience and at times it can be very hard to see the good, but the good does exist, just as the evil exists. It always reminds me of a Cherokee parable about the old Chief who tells his grandson that there are two wolves inside each of us, one of love, and one of fear and they are constantly fighting for control. The child asks,”grandfather, which one will win?” The answer is, the one that you feed. Thanks for the thoughts, you may regret introducing me to your blog. 🙂

  6. Em. “All roads lead to Rome.” From my perspective, all rational thought leads to the same place. And I love a good parable; allow me to share one that has warmed me through the years.

    On an island, a tribe lived. In that tribe, a shaman lived. One day, the shaman began staring at the horizon. He continued this behavior for years, to no end. Later, the shaman sees something on the horizon; he immediately gathers the villagers, pointing at it. They see nothing. Over days, the object comes closer; the shaman continues to point it out, to no avail. Eventually, the other villagers do see, when it is anchored in their bay – it was a ship.

    And while I’m honest, and prefer complete transparency, I am nevertheless forced to commit lies of omission and inference; few people like their deepest held beliefs casually refuted – especially when their beliefs paint them heroic. But then, those very people rarely value honesty. So, if finding love demands I allow continuation of their self-imposed delusions, so be it.

  7. What a fascinating premise for a blog! I am intrigued…

    I, too, have experienced the trauma you describe, as well as the search for self-understanding that resulted. I have known the frustrations and heartache of relationships, and I spent a good portion of my life looking for one particular man. I knew him intimately in my heart and soul, but never met him in the flesh. And then that last relationship break-up came and went, and my whole attitude changed…

    But, unlike you, I chose a different path. I accepted my mate was a myth, and that every intimate relationship I would/could experience here was fundamentally flawed. I decided that I was done compromising for the comfort of companionship; that I was tired of sacrificing my time, energy, effort, money and desires for the sake of making room in my life for a partner. So I chose to go solo. Period. That was 12 years ago, and I have never regretted that decision…

    But I am a loving soul, and I delight in discovering couples who can truly make it work. I do not envy them their work, but I admire and respect their efforts. And so I find I must follow you and this blog to see if you succeed. I truly hope you do. Such determination and awareness deserves reward, and only one reward seems appropriate here – complete success!

    Wishing you the very best, and truly looking forward to sharing this journey with you… 🙂

  8. Aye. I’m afraid that might end up being my only choice. But I’ll keep trying, as I’m currently not strong enough for the single life. But thank you.

  9. I genuinely hope you find what you are looking for, Louis! Really! And personally, I think it takes more strength to keep looking, than to give up. Just my opinion, though. Single is easy; partnership is hard work…

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