Unaddressed love letters

Ikue Asazaki – Obokuri-Eeumi

Hello. Prolonged exposure to this site is likely to make you extremely emotionally uncomfortable, possibly leading to various forms of severe psychological instability. You should leave here.

I’m a genius. This site, originally designed for the perusal of potential mates, is my soul, recorded and exposed to the world – to degrees most never approach. As time has progressed, so has the site’s purpose: it’s become a self-therapy device, wherein I somewhat-miserably attempt to validate my perspectives and existence; it’s also a message in a bottle, thrown to the future, wherein others like myself, may find solace in the knowledge they aren’t unique.

For there is one thing, above all others, that genius has burdened me with: isolation. I don’t imagine myself being the sole-possessor of some universal truth, or any other such self-deluding/comforting nonsense. I merely – due to a life that’s regularly been demanding, combined with the aforementioned mental capacity – have an uncommon depth of emotional and intellectual maturity.

If I weren’t born with strong genes, I’m sure my life would have broken me, made me into the types of people whom regularly vilify me for peaceably going about my business. Admittedly, my casual behaviors often violate many social norms, inviting that vilification. But understand: I find the majority of those norms primitive at best – undeserving. Frankly, I’ve had to spend a great deal of time and energy making sense of normal people, with their instinct-driven versions of thought.

And unfortunately, the sense I’ve made of them, is severely unpleasant. Many view my criticisms of normality as unproductive, but I find that solving problems requires admission – no matter how unpleasant. This view, in combination with my maturity, has consistently led me to interact with others in unproductively: I assumed the ability to comprehend and control one’s self was a common ability – or at least a desired one.

I’ve instead found it unpleasantly uncommon. On the other hand, in the absence of that ability, or even the comprehension of its possibility, I’ve found savagery. Everywhere. I imagine there are good people in the world – strong people, whom comprehend the importance of emotional maturity, morality, intelligence, and solidarity. But I haven’t personally met them. Instead, I’ve consistently met the other kind – in varying perversions of humanity. The only substantial exception being my Grandmother, who’s parenting likely kept me from mimicking the masses.

Instead, due to my heretic audacity in valuing truth over emotionality, average people consistently hate and sabotage me. If they were merely neutral to me, it would be a vast improvement. But, in simply being who I am, despite having no genuine intention of doing harm, I scare people. To counterbalance this, I have to lie in every single interaction: I have pretend to be stupid, pretend their provably destructive behaviors are appropriate – merely so I can be left alone, through keeping their formulaic savagery subdued.

Despite this issue, I don’t care if the world changes; all I want is a mate, and to not be bothered by catering to the masses. I would like the world to change, for people to be strong, and world-peace for all! But I know this, nor anything like it, will exist in my lifetime. And I now fear, most of all, being alone amidst the savages, alone to endure their shrieking madness, for the rest of my life.

And so, here I am; as usual, giving humanity more than it has me – and far more than it deserves. Perhaps, some day before I die, my Bower nest will earn me love. Or perhaps I’ll merely prove, to every idiot and lunatic who’ve unjustly diminished my life, their ineptitude. And maybe, the site will find the next true genius, and give them the peace of belonging, and the guidance, denied me.

Or maybe I’m just a megalomaniac.

Advertisements