Devotion and Reciprocity

Die Antwoord – Ugly Boy

Devotion and reciprocity – love – is sharing minds and hardship – not just company, bodies, or a home. Unfortunately, I’ve found that given the extent of my capacity, few match my contributions; whether because my companions are less robust, astute, mature, or emotionally available, I often find myself contributing far more than I receive. I take no foolish pride in carrying the heavier load.

Interestingly, Ex was resentful of my contributions, as her inability to reciprocate – due to weakness of intellect, maturity, and body – constantly revealed her own faults to her. She also could not accept that, as the weaker person whom gained vastly more from the relationship, I expected her to compensate for the discrepancy.

Tranny seemed to interpret my contributions as methods to instill guilt, so I could leverage control of the relationship. Not my intention at all; I genuinely enjoy nurturing others. This has simply been an instinct of mine, despite and perhaps because of, the mistreatment throughout my life. While some may not understand my motives, the benefits are clear.

Aiding others, can lead to them aiding me. If we make each other happier and stronger, there is mutual gain. Further: the happier and stronger we consistently make each other, the more capable we are of perpetuating that cycle. Seems kind of obvious, doesn’t it?

Unfortunately, this simple degree of reciprocity is difficult for most, as it requires a great deal of maturity. One of the many requirements, is the ability to perceive and acknowledge our own faults. We must also have the maturity to reveal those faults, and the associated needs they cause, without being combative.

For example: I’m technically worse than broke, due to college debt. I’m [as of 9/5/17] working a deadend minimum-wage job with shitty coworkers, and living in a houseshare with a bunch of yuppies. I’m also a smoker, and have been for 17 or so years. And finally, most people would consider my thoughts macabre or perverse. In total: I literally hate my life, right now, and am probably closer to suicide than I want to admit.

To me, being intimately open isn’t terrifying; infact, it’s enjoyable and exciting. I love to share my problems with others, as I’m interested in exploring human nature, and hope we can develop that lovely reciprocity cycle.

So, the overarching point is that I will, as outlined in the “Unrequited Love” post, commit a great deal to my relationship. I hope the further posts, in this section of the blog, explain that it’s worth you doing the same – and that engulfing my dick through every means, at every available opportunity, is ideal.


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~ by Louis Naughtic on July 28, 2016.

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