Journal Entry 12-8-16

The Hobbit – Misty Mountains Cold.

I feel somewhat like a child again, counting the days and moments to Christmas morning: my move-out date has been pushed forward, to 3 days from now – barring bad weather. I’m beginning to remember a time in my life when I wasn’t surrounded by filthy imbeciles whom persistently spawn chaos and force me to watch my back every second.

Leaving this filthy hole behind, I’m filled with hope. Not only for peaceful surroundings, but decent company: my new housemate is a manager of people, nonwhite [and thus suffering less from first-world syndrome], and has two parents that are still married; I’ve noted these traits tend to boost one’s acceptance of my nature.

I could, hope of hopes, have friends again. Last we met [we’ll call him Owner], was talking about the two of us seeking women, and working on his home, together; he’s also been kind enough to allow me to move in much earlier without charge. A seemingly decent man, though I’ve been mistaken many times due to my naivety of the deceptive nature common to most people. If he is a good man, I’ll make a friend for life, as I always do.

In either case, it is nearly impossible to be worse than here – but, again, I’ve been fooled before. Though I’ve yet to thoroughly address it on the blog, behaving as I naturally do is a polarizing force upon most people: I am usually loved or hated with equal passion. I’ve learned, over the years, to hide my nature to avoid this pattern – but there’s only so much I can, and am willing, to hide.

Still. Better than this shithole. At this moment, the majority of my possessions are packed and arranged for immediate removal; containers await the final possessions which must remain unpacked until the last minute. The majority of arrangements, for cutting off the internet upon my exit, are in place [important, as these savages would likely blitz illegal downloads upon realizing I’m cutting it off].

All is well; all is ready; I’ll be gone before these idiots know it. The only foreseeable problems are the internet company fucking with me and refusing to shut the net down quickly enough, or Owner’s ex trying to get back with him last-minute, and somehow ruining my move-in. Being unable to move-out would be emotionally challenging, but I still have plenty of money and metacog.

That aside, I’ve confirmed the cigarettes are the source of my kidney pain: I’ve spent the last.. 2 or 3 weeks not working, sitting on my ass and chain-smoking, and the pain has returned – where it had mostly gone when I had stopped smoking and was doing large amounts of labor. My suspicions of the cause being a specific type of cigarette have also been quashed, as I have recently been smoking a different brand.

The increase in smoking has also, as it usually does, severely dulled my metacog capacity – a net positive, however, as cigarettes improve my mood dramatically. I’m not too worried, as peaceful surroundings will severely improve my mood, and thus lessen my need to smoke. Plus, still plenty of money before I’m forced to seriously go back to work. The kidneys hurt though.

I’m also somewhat worried that I may turn to alcoholism to salve my emotional dilemma: I recently drank a tall-can [I, regularly, can only tolerate one regular beer before being turn off of the activity] and felt emotionally better, and thus wanted more. Not happy, of course, but better. I’ll try to avoid drinking, simply because my body can’t take more damage, but now I’m tempted. Why not, when my prospects of contentment seem so minuscule, and I’ve never done harm to myself or others while drunk?

In closing: Have an excellent holiday, you savages. And let’s not forget I’m looking for love here, hm? Send me nudes for Christmas. Or whenever.

 


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~ by Louis Naughtic on December 8, 2016.

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