Shut up; don’t touch anything. [Journal 3-7-17]

Blind Willie Johnson – Nobody’s Fault But Mine.

Throughout my life, I could count on myself; I could figure out and thus solve my problems. In late adolescence, when paralyzed by the magnitude of life’s unknown, I was ultimately, merely, preoccupied with a gargantuan calculation. While I spent years hiding from life to calm my wild mind, I developed an actionable outlook – a reason and method to live, and live well.

My fading depression, and near year spent overcoming it, is also emblematic of my ability to overcome. In both instances, I learned more about myself and the world, and grew stronger. There is, however, the exception of my marijuana-induced insanity: I have never found a way to master it, resorting to mere abstinence. As stated, during that madness, I am lost, and know a great deal of helplessness, terror, etc.

I mention these experiences because they inform my current thoughts regarding humanity. As repeatedly stated: I don’t like humanity very much, but I also love it’s potential more than anything else; there is nothing better than a moral and strong person, there is nothing worse than an immoral and weak one.

Its popular to disassociate strength and morality these days, but that’s a childish notion. Morality develops through the mastery of our savage natures, this requires strength of mind and body. The frail and simple, through little fault of their own, are overwhelmed by our inherent primitive impulses.

My overarching point is that I understand and sympathize with the savage masses. I recall my early childhood, late adolescence, the marijuana-induced insanity, and my recent depression, and imagine the outcome of those events minus my intelligence, vigor, Grandmother, and the ease granted by first-world surroundings. I would likely have broken, become mad, and thus savagely immoral.

Though my life is often severely diminished by humanity, I’m still very lucky. I’ve had the resources to overcome my personal problems, control my surroundings [when people don’t get in the way], and mostly behave morally; few people are so lucky. But, though I understand and sympathize with humanity, that does not mean I believe kindness and love are the exclusive methods of improving it.

We’re not remotely as simple as fairy-tales; our inherited savagery will always be part of us. Denying this leaves us vulnerable to it. And, denying the existence of people whom succumb, renders us vulnerable to the vile acts they shamelessly utilize – acts which kindness and love cannot prevent.

Those savages utilize violence and manipulation to benefit themselves exclusively; while the strong and moral, to benefit humanity, sorrowfully respond in kind. During this perpetual struggle, the “kind and loving,” driven by childish dreams, get in the way.


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~ by Louis Naughtic on March 7, 2017.

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