I Hate My Body. [Journal 7-19-17]

Diana Krall – Walk On By.

Sixty hours, over seven-days-straight of demanding physical labor, coming off a year of doing nearly nothing, and I wake up, on my day-off, after five fucking hours – feeling like I didn’t sleep at all, instead asif I’d laid in bed for an hour. Shit like this is why I sometimes hate my body – admittedly unjustly. As with my genetic fortune in the mental department, my body is thankfully mesomorphic.

On the downside, my body does shit like this sometimes. I can push myself, and my body handles it, but I’m not necessarily aware of what the outcome will be. For example, in my first kitchen job, my boss was such a piece of shit, that I’d have to work a fourteen-hour-day at fracturing speeds. As the day got longer, and I got more and more tired and fuzzy-headed, I actually got faster and more accurate, while feeling somewhat “high.”

I wasn’t getting “globally smarter,” my thoughts were just narrowing on the task at hand – nonessential sections of my brain shutting down. I remember that shitheel boss sneaking gawks at me, with slack-jawed incomprehension of my capacity. But, while I’m capable of shit like that – aswellas shit like sitting around for a year, then busting ass – there’s always a price to pay. In that example, the price was a fucking hammering headache for hours of the next day.

With my current problem, it’s a need for water and fat that woke me. Well, food in general, but fat specifically more than anything. I’m still chubby, but my brain going into comparative overdrive increases the fat demands. That might sound like an odd concept – a person knowingly craving fat for their brain – but I assure you that’s the case. Those whom exercise or whom are very physical, may understand the desire, by comparing the craving for protein during severe muscle exhaustion.

As a big smart man, I need fat and water. I drink allot of water – less than I actually want to, because I’d be constantly pissing otherwise. I actually got fuzzy-headed once, because I drank too much water – I get super thirsty, bro. Now that I think of it, maybe that fat-for-brain-craving is part of how fat people work. Maybe when they get stressed, and have to do more thinking, their bodies demand more fat? I don’t know. Anyway, I woke up feeling like I hadn’t slept, because I needed food, water, and to piss. So I did all that. Now I’m going to lay down, hoping to sleep.

I really want some pussy. nomnomnonmnomnomnonm

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~ by Louis Naughtic on August 3, 2017.

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