Neall Ellis [Journal 7-12-17]

Tom Waits – Somewhere.

Well, my views on humanity hold: I’m surrounded by idiots at the new job. I’m not too concerned with having to put on an elaborate show to keep the savages calm: I’ve somewhat accepted the necessity of that gargantuan waste of time and energy, and am getting comfortable in the idiot-suit. Good news is: as with most kitchen staffs in America, almost all of the guys are “Central Americans” – Mexicans.

Aside from Stoner – who’s more inner-city wigger than native Mexican – I’ve always had uncommonly good relationships with native Mexicans. Could be my being hardworking, could be my crass yet jovial nature, could be that I got no beef with their poor English – I just lean my head in to hear better. We usually just get along smoothly. While these guys were a bit cunty at first, they might just be feeling me out; I assume they’re used to spoiled Americans treating them like trash.

So, I figure they won’t take too much work to manage – they were even pointedly polite at the end of the day. To clarify: I find politeness an insulting waste of time/indicative of psychopathy; I care about what people do, not how they look doing it. But, I recognize that for the peasantry, it’s interpreted as a good sign. We’ll find out their true natures in time.

Used to be, I wouldn’t give the slightest thought to controlling the social aspect of the job – just focusing on the work itself, while joking around. But, I’ve learned that for peasantry, the work itself rarely matters, while they obsess over the socializing. What a fucking waste of everyone’s time, given they’re mostly halfwits that will likely never form a single healthy relationship. This is my life.

Which brings me to the point of this post. This, as predicted, has become my life: doing busy-work, while putting on an act for idiots. Well, this was not exactly what I predicted, of course: while going about my own business at home, functionally ignoring my roommates and strictly following the rules we agreed to/common fucking decency, I pissed off a paranoid egomaniac stoner and a fucking sociopath; now I have to move out of an ideal home, and possibly live paycheck-to-paycheck, given Seattle’s absurd rental costs.

Living paycheck to paycheck, unable to really save to change my life, doing busy-work while wearing an idiot-suit, on a fucking planet of idiots whom instinctively destroy logic – and thus seek my destruction, as a adherent of logic. That reality is here, now. It’s depressing. But despite the recent blow from my idiot roommates, my metacog tools, developed to overcome genuine depression, are mostly holding. So, I’ll take the pain, I’ll keep working. If more problems come, I might fold under the pressure and kill myself. I’d prefer to just keep working, move out, live in peace while seeking love.

Ah, and my boss is kind of an oddball. Not enough information on him yet. I suspect he’s a workaholic, slightly arrogant, slightly insecure, but possibly moral and sane. He may, essentially, be at my pre-depression perception of humanity, and just figuring out how bad things are. Or not, no real idea. He’s thusfar been proficiently helpful without appearing excessively manipulative. He may be a.. hothead. Blows up, makes up. We’ll see, we’ll see.

If there’s anyone out there – in the ocean of idiots and lunatics comprising humanity – whom is compatible with me: hurry the fuck up and find me already.


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~ by Louis Naughtic on August 3, 2017.

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