“Die As You Lived, Son Of The Eighth Legion. In Midnight Clad.” [Journal 9-28-17]

Passenger – Let Her Go.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned him before, and there’s a reason for that: I assumed the last time we talked would be the last time, and simply stopped giving it thought. “He” is a childhood friend, and basically the only one I’ve really interacted with in.. 15 or so years. I actually had alot of childhood friends, but I kept maturing rapidly, while they did not.

He’s an oddity. He’s what’s commonly referred to as “introverted,” and like most of them, is incredibly self-absorbed and extra prone to emotionally-motivated delusion. He’s also a very well-paid mathematics tutor. Like, sixty dollars a fucking hour. This is the kid who, while shirtless, I covered in every condiment in the house [and there were alot] before unceremoniously hosing off. Ahh, we had good times.

Anyway, this silly cunt returns to me very couple years, usually with a mere email. Sometimes we meet up. Anyway, we interact. Then, being as his ego is wrapped around the self-perception of intelligence, he starts trying some intellectual conversation. Then, invariably, I point out faults in his reasoning. Then he has an emotional fit about it, accusing me of being some form of crazy, and runs off.

Then, years later, he just comes back outta no where, says hi, usually doesn’t mention the past, and the cycle repeats. Every time. It’s like: fuck man; how do you not see where this is going? Fuck.

But, this all puts me in an interesting situation. I like him; he was a friend during the best years of my life; we had alot of good times. We even played AC together, though he seemed to view me as a rival more than someone to cooperate with.

So, every time he comes to me, even though the process of our interaction is the same, I always play my part the same way. I care about him to some degree, and he has no leverage over me, so I can’t encourage his delusions/irrational emotionality – as I might with coworkers or housemates, simply to keep them calm.

Therefore, every single time, I have to respond exactly the same way to his tantrums – pointing out the faults in his reasoning – hoping that this will be the time he outgrows his bullshit. This, in the past, has only inflamed said tantrums. Anyway, we’re emailing again now. I really hope this is the time he changes. Probably not though.

Not an hugely important subject, but nevertheless a facet of my life that might illuminate my nature.


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~ by Louis Naughtic on September 28, 2017.

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