Mapo Bridge [Journal 10-11-17]

Lana Del Ray – Burning Desire [Altered]

Hey losers; what up? Nothing much on my end. Chatting with the same chick; more on that when it becomes important/ends. I’ll get back to putting energy into the blog again, I’m sure; just adjusting to working again, and dealing with the chick.

But the headline is: “Mentallurgist Doesn’t Murder Supervisor.” That is to say: American Sous The Black is still alive, despite my burning desire to put him in the ground shortly after fucking him to within hours of death death.

The funny thing is: he doesn’t really -do- much, aside from bitch to Chef – which could get me fired. But Chef seems to either see through it, not care, or need me enough to let it slide, so I’m good for now. But he doesn’t show me the respect due the person doing the most work – instead, he pretends the opposite is the case. Like a fucking sociopath.

This causes me to get very upset. During work, after perhaps being told I need to be faster [I’m much faster than his waddling, stand-in-the-way ass], or after he [repeatedly] tries to stop me from using a superior method I’ve invented, I get angry.

I quietly steam, and stew, and brood. This doesn’t take away from the mental-resources required to do my job – instead speeding me up – but it does from the separate and simultaneous thoughts dedicated to metacognition and overall physical self-maintenance – upping stress over-all, making me very tense. This leads to more empty-minded spacing-out during off-hours, rather than productive metacognition.

Thus, despite having only had two cigarettes in the last month or so, I’ve started feeling alot of consistent physical pain again – especially during off-hours, when adrenaline isn’t coursing through me to keep up with a workload for two-to-three people. Too much thought and energy devoted to being angry at this peasant, as well as analyzing the overall situation, soasto determine his threat to my job and self.

I’m torn between simply finding a new job, and sticking it through until I meet certain goals – either way this is not a longterm job. But, I’d like to use the high workload as means of getting fitter. I’d also like to use the sociopath’s harassment, my coworkers being self-centered morons, and the fucking servers, as.. I don’t know the word.

I want to learn how to be emotionally comfortable while surrounded by peasantry and their reek – because it’s only going to keep happening in the future. Why not learn now, and get it out of the way? Especially since the job will get me fitter and help reestablish my work history – which has become more important, as my last job is now shutting down, leaving me without a fucking reference.

Anyway. So, over the past couple days, I’ve been focusing on keeping my body feeling better, and reminding myself that no matter what I do, Ass The Black is going to be a little bitch – not to take it as a valid measure of my worth, but merely as the manipulations of an imbecile.

Why, you might ask, would I measure my worth by the opinions of others? Remember: I used to think humanity was, as a whole, sane, intelligent, and moral. Old habits; too busy thinking about other stuff. At the end of my life, I’m going to have a hell of a laugh, recalling you peasants constantly wasting my time, thus preventing me from teaching you some god damned humanity.


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~ by Louis Naughtic on October 11, 2017.

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